Monday, April 5, 2010

The truth among the lies

And for those who got through my massive award post last week:

1. When I was in second grade, I all out punched a boy in the face. Hey, he deserved it. He cut in line. As the tallest girl in the class, I had bully issues, okay? Thankfully, after a week of having to stay after school everyday, I grew out of them. LIE: I hit him in the back because another boy dared me to, and I only got a scolding from the teacher.

2. Two years ago, I learned to knit. There are only so many practice scarves and mittens that I needed around the house, so I thought I'd dontate them to our local homeless shelter. When I brought my offerings in, the lady at the drop off counter refused them, saying that the quality was too poor. I was so embarrased. I haven't knitted anything since. COMPLETE LIE: I don't knit.

3. I used to manage a fast food restaurant, and in looking for some fun team building activities, I came up with the idea for a sleep over. In the restaurant. Me and eleven teenagers set up our sleeping bags and then stayed up late into the night, making all kinds of experiemental food from what was in the cooler. Well, until the cops came. They weren't happy about our being there at all and demanded to call the owner at 2am to verify that we had persmission to be there. I couldn't reach her - who answers their office number at 2am? I didn't have her home number! He took all our names, addresses and phone numbers and then threatened to arrest me if I we didn't all leave immediately. I spent the rest of the night driving a bunch of teenagers home. LIE: The cops did come but just shook their heads and wished me luck with all the teens after I explained what we were doing.

4. After a late night socializing at my sister-in-law's house, I was driving my family home when a car squealed through the intersection ahead of us. The carload of drunks managed to make a tight turn, narrowly missing a telephone pole, and swerved onto the road we were on. They came straight at as... for about five seconds. Then they proceeded to sweve across all five lines several times while they tried to regain control, careening off the curb on either side. I had no where safe to pull off an no way of knowing which lane to pick to avoid them. We collided. Thankfully they only clipped the back quarter of my car and no one was hurt. The cops carted the drunk driver and his friends off to jail. LIE: I managed to avoid them and I have no idea if they were drunk, but they sure drove like they were.

5. On the way home from the bar several years ago, I got pulled over. I rolled down the window. The cop immediately demanded that I hand over the drugs. He could smell them. There was no use hiding them. He would go easy on me if I cooperated. Umm, I didn't have any drugs. I've never done any drugs. However, the bar I'd just left smelled like a particular drug. A lot. And apparently so I did I. I tried to explain this to him, but he was having none of it, seemingly intent on making an arrest for the evening. He demanded to search my car. I let him. He demanded to search my purse. Sure. He searched me. Still nothing. Because nothing was there! He drove off one very aggravated and annoyed cop. TOTALLY TRUE

6. My natural hair color is blonde. LIE: though I did dye it blonde once... and then dyed it blue an hour later.

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