Tag debate

He asked VS. He said

Ray Rhamey of Flogging the Quill often cites that using 'he asked' is redundant because the dialogue is already shown as a question. Therefore the tag should be the traditional 'he said' to avoid the anvil of telling the reader that the dialogue was a question.

"So why do so many crit partners flip out over the use of he said when dialogue ends in a question mark?" he asked.

"Is it because we're so used to seeing he asked?" he said.

I consider myself mostly converted. Here's why:

'He said' is a tag to identify the speaker.

'He asked' is a tell of how the dialogue is spoken. Which is then no different than he whispered/ mutttered / sputtered / hissed / or the good old, ejaculated.

As writers, we (I'm sure I'm not alone here) often fixate on little things like this. Are we showing or telling? Are we doing the right one in the right place? Are we insulting the reader's intelligence by telling them that the dialogue a question in case they don't understand what a question mark means?

Oh, so many questions over a single word change. And this one of the many reasons why we're often seen staring off into space looking like we're not doing a darn thing when we say we're writing. We're pondering, debating, skimming our favorite memorized passages of other novels and wrting help books for guidance. Or maybe we really are daydreaming.

Two questions for you:
As a writer, which do you use?
As a reader, does said vs. asked stick out as wrong or does it look natural?

The crate

"I've got it!" Gamnock grins from ear to ear as he waves the top lid to his consolation prize crate in the air.

I lean over in my chair to see what he's so excited about -- and if I'm in for trouble. You can never trust the damned Pirate Guild. "What did they send you?"

He pulls out a sheet of yellow padding. "Looks like a bottle of some golden liquor."

"Ah yes, that was from a Xander scene when Mr. MC got a little buzzed and did too much internal thinking. Had to cut that one and just make the conflict happen instead of him musing about what might happen."

Gamnock holds up a triangle of metal. "Why did they send me a toy Guild fighter ship?"

"You think they could have fit a real one in the crate?" I resist the urge to add 'Duh'.

"I suppose you're going to tell me why this is in here too?"

"Since you asked, sure." I'm just glad there isn't a real fighter ship sitting around here somewhere. That's all Marin, assuming he's still alive, or Nekar need to find. "That was from a scene where Mr. MC and the rest of the gang flew off to do a little scouting of the Fragians."

"Looks like a nice ship, why did it get cut?"

"Mr. MC had enough things he was relatively good at, piloting a ship didn't need to be one of them. One too many ablities, you know? Too many things in his favor, and he becomes totally unbelievable. Not to mention that it seemed silly that important people were off on a scouting mission when they have underlings for that sort of thing."

Gamnock feels around at the bottom of the crate and comes up with a paper. He holds it up and pours over the scribbled words that I can't make out from my chair.

"What does it say?"

He looks up at me with a beaming smile. "I think you know."

"Umm, nope. Enlighten me."

"You're putting me back in."

"What?" I rip the paper out of his hands. "Let me see that." Stupid Pirates and their secret codes. I have no idea what it says.

I shake the paper and sputter for a moment. "I've considered about putting you back in the sequel. That's as far as I've gone. Besides, you wouldn't be the character you were before. Not exactly, anyway."

"But I get to keep my name. Admit it, you like me. You really like me." He spins around, looking like he should be a giddy sixteen year old girl instead of a rugged Caltessian man in his late twenties.

"Stop it! That's way out of character for you. Either of you. Just stop."

"Sure thing, boss. Whatever you say." He slips the toy ship into his shirt pocket and tucks the bottle of liquor under his arm.

"Don't get all exicited. I only said I'd think about it."

Gamnock vanishes.

Ah crap. I guess thinking about it is all it takes.

From each cut, a lesson

Gamnock struggles against his sticky bonds. "Lift it up! What are you waiting for?"

"I had one more thing I wanted to say before I get to you."

He slams his head onto the desktop and lets out a frustrated growl. "You've got to be kidding."

"Don't hurt yourself. Sheesh." I pull one strip of tape off. It's not nearly enough to give him room to escape, but seems to ease his frustration a little.

As dear Botanist pointed out in a comment on a previous post, not all is lost with my host of discarded characters. With each one I learned something new. Something about what not to do, more often that not, but it's part of that whole learning from mistakes thing, right?

Often I found that the characters I cut, their scenes and back story, had a part in shaping the MCs, fleshing them out, making them real. But upon learning to wield my editing knife, I discovered that those things I cut were for me, to learn about my characters, or to expand my world building, which needs to happen, but not all of it needs to be on the page.

For example... Gamnock.

"FINALLY!"

"I know, sorry about the long wait." (I'm not really all that sorry. I enjoy aggravating my characters.)

Gamnock was meant to be Mr. MCs man. His one trusted, devoted, what-can-I-do-for-you guy. Mr. MC and Ms. MC weren't getting along. Mr. MC needed someone to talk to.

But he already had someone. An established character.

Mr. MC needed a friend.

He already had two of those, both established characters.

Xander needed a mentor.

Xander got cut.

Mr. MC needed someone he could trust. Explicitly.

Great! Except that side plot got cut back because that whole not getting along plotline was taking way too darn long. Not having Gamnock there brought more tension and less passive MC mulling.

Gamnock showed me that Mr. MC had grown, he'd gained the loyalty of men willing to listen to him over Ms. MC. He was ready to make a stand for his independance. He was ready to charge forward with what must be done. (Is it scary that I'm picturing a scene montage in my head complete with a pulse-stiring soundtrack?)

Montage aside, none of that needed to happen in the book. It could be implied. Which brings me to my next point: anvils.

"Hold your anvils. Can you let me go now?"

I pull away the tape, trying not to snicker as he gasps when I yank the tape from his bare skin.

"Thank you, Gamnock, for being so patient. The Pirate Guild sent over this crate as a consolation prize for getting cut from not one, but two books."

"I knew those guys wouldn't forget me." He wipes the tape residue from his hands and neck and grins. "I don't suppose you have the opening code?"

"Sorry, no. You'll have to find a pry bar." I try to remember what I cut from the Pirate Guild that they might have sent to Gamnock.

He rubs his hands together and runs off.

I guess we'll both just have to wait to find out.

To each character, a purpose

As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by a discarded character tirade...

Gamnock will now illustrate-

"How can I illustrate anything? You have me bound the desk with masking tape. I can barely move!" He struggles against the sticky layers.

"I meant figuratively, dear Gamnock. Now hush, or I'll get the tape out again."

I'd sort of learned my overpopulation lesson by the time I'd reached the near conclusion of book one. I thought I'd just toss a few characters in, like Xander and Gamnock, establishing them in book one so they would be ready to go in book two.

Great idea, but what if someone didn't read book one? I mean, these should be stand alone novels, right? Tossing in new characters toward the end that don't play into the main plotline makes for loose ends. They're just hanging out, screaming to the poor reader, "Tune in next time to see why I exist!" The reader doesn't want to pause to think about next time, they want to sit back (or hopefully perch on the edge of their seat) and enjoy the conclusion of book one.

Besides, I have enough work ahead of me in re-establishing the central characters that are vital to the story. I really don't need any more work and words wasted supporting characters than absolutely necessary. We want to leap into the sequel's plot for goodness sake, not have four chapters of refresher material.

Gamnock slams the backside of his boots on the desktop, making a horrible racket. "So I'm not memorable? Is that what you're saying?"

I whip out my handy roll of tape and secure his feet. "I said, shut up."

Ahem.

To prevent more Gamnocks - who really is a good character, by the way -

"Why, thank you."

I rip off a piece of tape and dangle it over his face.

"Right. Sorry. Shutting up now."

I now consult my handy checklist whenever the urge to toss someone new into the story strikes.

-Are we in the later half of the story?
----Do we really need someone new now when we should be focusing on who and what we've built up in the first half?

-Is this a bit part?
----Can it be filled by someone already established instead?
----Does this bit part player really need to become a full character?

-Is this character set up for something that doesn't even happen in this particular story?

-Is this character being planted in the opening chapters and then will not be mentioned again until a big reveal near the end, where no one will remember them because they haven't been mentioned in twenty-six intense chapters packed other drama and action, and thereby will totally spoil the reveal for everyone but me?

-Is this person going to be killed by my MC within the next few paragraphs?
----Haven't they killed enough people to make the point that they kill people already?
----Does the killing have major impact on the MC and plot?
----Would it have more impact if s/he killed someone already established?

-Isn't there someone just like this in the story already?

-Are we in the first quarter of the story? Will this character play into the plot later, or am I wandering off on an unnecessary side plot?

-Is this person appearing out of nowhere and now is going to require me to go back and establish them earlier on?
-----Will it be worth the work and/or screw up other elements of the plot?

"Good thing, you didn't have that list when you started," Gamnock says quietly.

I consider reaching for my tape, but he's got a point. "We have learned a lot together, haven't we? Besides, it would be awfully quiet around here without all of you."

"So you'll let me go now?"

I slip my fingernail under the edge of a strip of tape...

How about you? How do you pick and choose when and if to include new/unplanned characters?

Max occupancy: ?

You may be wondering, why, dear woman, did you have so much time and energy invested in all these characters that are now doing nothing more than milling about your writing space? Wouldn't outlining or at least some form of pre-planning have saved you so much aggravation?

Well. Yes.

But we all begin somewhere, don't we? I didn't begin with outlines or preplanning. Outlines were those boring things they made us do in school when we wrote reports. Reports are stiff and structured. They aren't free flowing and creative works. Writing should be fluid, not confined to any concrete string of events. Right?

Sure, as long as you don't plan on having anyone else try and make sense of what you've written.

I wrote. I wrote a lot. I liked characters. Ands lots of them! Because more characters, planets, tech and all the gobs of plot-stiffling, info-heavy paragraphs that go with them, make a book more involved, deeper and more exciting, don't they?

Well. No.

But I didn't figure this out until I'd already written book one. And it hadn't really sunk in until the rough draft of book two was on paper - not literally, I don't do the paper thing anymore. Too hard on the hands.

"Ahem."

"Gamnok, I'm getting to you."

He slips down from the Farscape Scorpius bobble head next to my monitor that he's been perched on for the last few days and storms over. "You said, I would get my post when you were done screwing around with that query letter."

"I'm not done with the cursed query letter, but I'm working on your post."

"Funny, it sounds like you're going on about all of us," he gestures to the other milling characters going about their business, "instead of me, like you promised."

"We're getting there. Be patient."

He takes a deep breath and sighs. "Fine."

Anyway, as I was saying, a little general planning, or at least restraint when the urge to toss someone new on the page, is something I learned along the way. My more recent novels don't suffer from this problem. In fact, they seem to suffer from a lack of words, because I'm so set in the editing mode of pruning words and characters. One of these days, I'll happen on a middle ground.

"Oh, come on!" Gamnock kicks my keyboard. "How the heck are you going to relate me to middle ground? Excess characters is one thing, but this?" He shakes his fist at the words floating on the monitor before him. "This has nothing to do with me at all."

"It does. Let me get back on track here, would you?"

"No. I want my post." He starts jumping up and down on the keyboard.

dd&a4q548pd;ld....

"Stop that!"

To be continued...