Thursday, February 10, 2011

Fanfic attack

Ms. Wildstar nods toward the young man who has paused up the paperwad-lined path to examine an excerpt. "When did we drop into a western?"

Xander cocks his head and takes in the sight of the native american man in dusty, well-worn pants, shirt, vest and obligatory cowboy boots. "No idea. What the hell is a western?"

"Sorry, I forgot you've never technically been to Earth." Ms. Wildstar's brow furrows. "But we're on Earth, so you have. But your character hasn't, but you are right now... and you are your character." She rubs her temples. "All this thinking hurts."

Nekar slips out of the shadows. "I don't care where he's from. Does he have any weapons? These Barthromian slingshots are worthless."

"I think he has a knife. Maybe a gun." Xander sighs. "Probably only has a few bullets though. Look at him, he's got nowhere to store ammo."

"He's got pretty long, black hair. I want to go run my fingers through it." Ms. Wildstar smiles dreamily.

Nekar rips the adverb from her lips. "We don't even know this guy. Besides, I thought you were seeing Xander."

"Yeah. I thought so too." Xander glares at the wistfully gazing young woman beside him.

"But, but, he's so handsome and wild and can't you just see the social angst and emotional baggage he's carrying? I must go soothe him." She runs toward him like a horrible cliche about magnets being drawn together.

"I need to pack more emotional baggage," Xander mumbles to himself.

"Wouldn't help." Marin jumps down from a nearby pile of paper.

Nekar whips out his slingshot. "I thought you were dead."

"Hardly. Just forgotten about for awhile." He laughs at the slingshot. "No need for that. I'm just here to conveniently deliver some infodump."

"Oh. In that case, carry on." Nekar puts his slingshot away.

"Our dear creator..."

"She's making you say that, isn't she?"

Marin nods and plows on as if he can't stop. "Went through a fanfic writing binge a few years ago. I ran into that fellow in my adventure behind the desk. Must have taken him all this time to amble--those western folks like to amble, meander, and wander, you know--out here from the black void. He taught me the ways of the dustbunnies that allowed me to escape mostly unharmed. Though there's this nervous twitch thing...

A thunderous racket blasts from the almighty desktop.

"Right, moving on. She found that playing with an established world and characters allowed her to concentrate on improving other aspects of her writing, such as believable dialogue, conveying a setting, incorporating senses, and experimenting with short stories since she'd really only written novels before."

Xander leaps back into the conversation before Marin can draw another deep breath. "But if he came from a fanfic, why is he here?"

"Oh, he's not from the fanfic." Marin laughs wickedly. "He's an original character created by that thunder making puppeteer up there when she considered turning one of her fanfics into an original piece. It didn't pan out so she chalked it up to a learning experience and abandoned the project after the first chapter."

Nekar sees his own terror reflected on Xander's face. "But that means he's an incomplete character and he's been wandering around here for over a year. He's a zombie!"

"Yes, he is." Marin laughs in assorted evil adverbial ways. He leaps back up onto the paper pile and disappears.

Ms. Wildstar reaches out to pet the newcomer's hair. He turns to her, revealing vacant eyes and a seductive smile. She screams.

to be continued...

2 comments:

  1. Congratulations, I think you've just created a new genre!! BTW, love this line: "She runs toward him like a horrible cliche about magnets being drawn together."

    Hilarious!

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  2. Thanks, Liz. I do so enjoy playing with my cast of discarded characters. :)

    ReplyDelete